there is suppose to a song lyrics here, when i think of it, i will write it down.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

 
its been a long time since an entry was added to this site. past few weeks, i have been busied with scholarships. alot has happened since the last entry. to start off, release of A level results. my result weren't impressive, at least by my standard. yet many people in my platoon were awe struck by it. my sergeants congratulated me even though i weren't exactly contented with it. i know myself better, i am definitely able to produce better result but due to my laziness and maybe a bit of bad luck i have not gotten what i ought to be getting. next up was range. yeah, it was easy, i cannot think of anyway to fail it. i adopted an unorthodox way of shooting as i simply know nuts of what has been thought, so i just anyhow aim and shoot. the day shoot didn't go too well. my score for the 3 day were 15/24, 15/24 and 13/24. ok i didn't get marksmen but my night shoot did end me up with quite a decent overall score. my score were 16/20, 16/20, 18/20. and yes, i got 31 for all 3 days, quite consistent. and with that i finished the military component of my BMT, leaving the physical part to pass before i pass out. frankly, i need more than a miracle to pass my ippt now and i think i had to face the ugly reality--- recourse. maybe i ought to relive bmt all over again. to experience the bmt i want to experience. the truth in my opinion is the biggest thing lacking in me is external support. as much as i tried to make it sound nice, its still hell in camp and for the past few months, people outside camp hasn;t been in the least bit understanding and whenever i needed someone urgently, i got shaft back into a cold corner to rot. sounds harsh? maybe, but its harsh in there. whilst there is always room in my heart to accomodate others problem and need and whilst i put in effort to be there for others, who actually reciprocrate that? another thing that has really touched me so far in camp is the bunch of noble people who has been working themselves out to keep the section and platoon going. i tried to emulate that only to realise its not getting me anywhere. you won't get appreciated, in fact you will get misunderstood. you aren't gonna be popular, nor would you command respect. you will be both unpopular and be scorned at. your contribution will be taken for granted and the hardest thing of it all, people think of you as non existence. they feel that you ought to be working your ass out whilst they slack. to those selfish brat, they become the platoon best recruit. this world is probably blind and indeed headed for doom. i have never been more cynical. but the nicer i am to the people around, the more shit i get. if i show them my hot temper, they respect me as a human and not as some slave or something. yeah, life do sucks. and to those people whose conscious do not even prick as they are reading this, you sux more. i hate to include such burning anger in my entry, but would i vent it on. who listens? some of you have been through similar ordeal as well, and most likely you had vent it out using similar avenue as me becos simply no one listens.