there is suppose to a song lyrics here, when i think of it, i will write it down.

Friday, December 06, 2002

 
haiz...i finally got my modem working properly again....but the bad news is i am going to be enlisted next week...damn. maybe for the next 2.5 years, i will post whatever inspires me on my bookout.some times...there might jolly well be nothing...esp if i am too tired. yup...i just read yenlin's blog at taiwantank.blogspot.com about his prom entry and since i am feeling so uninspired, i might as well spend some time replying to his entry. at 18, i am personally a relatively contented person. as much as i don't look like a friendly person and don't really spend much time socialising, i felt i had led a better life than most people of my age group. i always talk crapping was fun. but hey crapping get nothing done. and yeah, as much as i like to crap, i think i lost it. as i enter army, i am a person overwhelmed with cynicism more than anything else. life is never meant to be full of hope and nice stuff. for those people who bask themselves in their comfort zone, and try to stay happy all day, i doubt you have truly experience what life is all about. the truth is, being someone so cynical and melancholic, i have learnt to appreciate all the nice little things around me better. many people have taken it granted. here's a line from a recent song lyrics which i have written: why is it that man will only learn to cherish, when its all over? ( that sounded a bit cliche...damn) i had tried to make an effort to express my heartfelt appreciation to many things around me and people. ok...maybe i don't express in words, but i hope for many of you out there, i hoped you have sense some compassion coming from me.

ok, before i stray too far. i hope you people realise that prom wasn't as good as everyone think. its really nothing american style. i have always thought JC being the equivalent of US high school, ought to have prom like that in US. i only realise quite a few days before prom that their idea of dancing means disco dancing...... in contrast i have always thought that it would be couple dancing. duh... feel so loser. and yes, i was one of those who wore t-shirt and i remembered you sprayed your hair blue...yenlin. but the truth i never really give a damn about how i look. i was botak tianyu until i enter jc and i will soon be botak david. even at my prom, i really didn't bother much with a makeover... when i first entered jc, i did have that intention. but on that day itself, i was like why bother? many times, i dun undertstand why people need such dressing up to prove their looks, and they really feel inferior without proper dressing. hey, i still displayed my usual confidence, did i. maybe that make me a bastard but hey, my theme for prom 2002 was to maintain my ever undying confidence. i may be down but i never doubt my abilities...that is what matters. hmm...i think at the end of prom which also mark the end of my jc life, i think i have not failed so bad. no doubt, i am still as anti social as before but as least i am more firm of who i am. being guai lan is definitely ok, for my prom, i dress what i feel is tianyu and not what is people want tianyu to look like...and despite looking average or slightly below it, i think i have much more self esteem than people around me, and it makes me feel better.